We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he puts the penis in happiness.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
