in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do herpes really smell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
