You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
