i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Two words: blizzard sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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