based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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