Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
