If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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