Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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