Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he wants to bone in the snuggie
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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