i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am naked and annoyed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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