she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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