The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
