if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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