you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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