so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
