just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
