peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
