Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
