I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
