I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize