He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
