he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
