I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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