What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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