he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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