I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
