I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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