My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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