I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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