i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
