The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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