Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
