just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
