if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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