none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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