just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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