Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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