She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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