someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize