I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
