I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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