Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
