I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you never un-have a 4some
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
