Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
