I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
