Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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