Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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