I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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