So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
