i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
