hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize