Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
