It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
