I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're like the curious george of whores
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
