Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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