I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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