So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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