i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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