loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
