Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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