Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I faked an abortion last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
